Yes this belonged in yesterday's blog but better late than never. Joey Lawrence is black now.

holy fuck Blossom is fat now!!

So Joey Lawrence is black now. Kind of like the way Madonna is British now. But I don't mean like he pretends to be ghetto like Madonna pretends to be British - I just mean that he is black now. And hot. So is the middle Lawrence brother - not black but hot. Too bad they're shitty actors.

Anyway, there is going to be a Full House reunion. It hasn't been announced yet or anything, but I know there will be one because I can tell from the way the cast is all still totally in love with each other. But some of them try to act like they are just too cool for full house, and I don't see how they can get the NYU trins involved, unless its totally their thing. But if they produce it themselves, the whole gang will be back. Shit that movie is going to suck so bad, but I'll watch it anyway. Provided it doesn't conflict with Gilmore Girls.

Here's some blankets Chief

Thanksgiving - today is the day we give thanks to the original Europeans that came to this great country and embarked on a mission of genocide so that hundreds of years later I could have a day off from work and tell really stupid tofurkey jokes.

So as it turns out, Dick Nixon and I have something in common - we both agree that the presidential pardoning of the turkey is without a doubt the stupidest holiday tradition in the world. Although telling that silly Baby Jesus story is a close second.

Gary Gilmore Girls Gone Wild.

The holidays suck. It really pisses me off that the holiday traffic starts so early. As I write this, its the night before thanksgiving, and we are about three weeks in to holiday traffic. None of these people need to be buying the shit for which they're out shopping. Their kids already have closets full of crap.

Other things I hate - the Lexus December to Remember commercial, which we should be seeing any day now. And the fact that on network tv they play like 80% repeats.

I'm feeling serious pressure to blog since Blogspot told me earlier today that the site would be down for maitenance this night and I just know if I don't post something I will wish that I had only because I won't be able. Anyway, so religion finally did something right. A bunch of methodist bishops voiced a solid opinion that the war in Iraq was unjust and immoral. Their exact words were "our preoccupation with institutional enhancement and limited agendas while American men and women are sent to Iraq to kill and be killed, while thousands of Iraqi people needlessly suffer and die, while poverty increases and preventable diseases go untreated.” They've got all kinds of resolutions working to withdrawl the troops and they are demanding timelines, which we all know Bush is vehemently against. Anyway, in short, those methodists bishops are fucking awesome. Keep up the good work, churchers!!

Sinners in the hands of an angry god

So the people in the city of Dover, PA are in big trouble with JC. Since they voted against intelligent design, JC's going to cause all kinds of disaster, according to the great Pat Robertson. And they won't be able to pray for god's help because they voted him out of their city. Well I guess they're fucked.

Has anyone ever seen them together, part 2

By day, she is a "liberal" news anchor trying to make peace with the fact that her fat, right wing, conservative talk show host turned prescription drug addict boyfriend might actually be a bigger idiot than Bill O'Reilly. By night, he is a washed up rocker trying to make peace with the completely inappropriate and disgusting fact that he lets his own long lost daughter star as the sex object in his music videos. But has anyone ever seen them together? Yes readers, I must present to you a most fascinating idea. Are Daryn Kegel exercise and Steven Tyler moore actually the same person? If so, that means Rush Limbaugh, in addition to being a total hypocrite and a big fat idiot, is also a gay rock star fucker (and by that I mean he is a gay man who fucks rock stars, not a man who fucks gay rock stars, although I guess it is really one in the same).

Trouble in Paradise?

Word on the streets (and by streets, I mean CNN), is that there is a rift between our favorite couple and it grows wider and wider each day. Yes, I am talking about the "distance" between dick and bush. And no, I'm not speaking metaphorically about the growing distance between the male and female species, I am speaking literally about W. and Cheney. As it turns out, Cheney was not giving good advice when he told W to go to Iraq, and now W is pissed.

And in case you haven't heard about Scooter Libby's 1996 attempt at fiction, you must google it now. Turns out, Scooter is a novelist as well as a motherfucker. And holy shit his book sounds gross. Its set in some small fictional Asain village in the early 1900s, and is ripe with beastiality, incest and child rape. Right about now would be a good time for Cheney to start questioning his choice of advisors, I think.

voting is for losers

Just realized, I never backed up with facts why Alito is an m-f'er. Sorry. But more pressing issues today. Manana is election day. State and City. On the state propositions, of which there are nine, I think I'll vote "no" across the board. For the city propositions, I am still undecided on a few of them. Really, its more like I'm apathetic toward a few of them. But I probably will vote against the strong mayor, mainly because I don't think Laura Miller needs a 60K a year raise, and she will get one if this passes, which it probably will.

Vive la revolution!!!

Seriously, until this week, I didn't know that they had racism in France. Maybe that sounds naive, but I really didn't know. Too bad. I guess they have more in common with us than I thought. I wonder if, when all the rednecks who hate France because they wouldn't support our fuckery efforts in Iraq find out that they are racist too, maybe we can all make amends. Perhaps we don't ever need to say or hear anything as dumb as Freedom fries ever again.

My favorite subject

So as it turns out, Denver now has legal pot and Austin now has the KKK. Whoulda thunk? But the important thing, nobody has the pandemic flu. W assured me of that today. Or maybe it was yesterday, I don't remember. All I remember is that W has fully immersed himself into the ass of the pandemic flu. But, nobody has it. He wants to assure us of that. But we need to be prepared in case it comes. Because if you don't prepare for a disaster like that, many lives could be lost. And it will be revealed that the person I ineptly placed in charge had no experience with biologics, just with judging Arabian horse... oh wait, sorry, I got the stories mixed up. Seriously, can you believe this shit? W explaining to us the importance of being prepared. But we need the panic of the pandemic to distract us yet again from all W's fuckery.

Gubment

So Maine has been teaching safe sex in the schools and have had a drop in teen pregnancy. But don't worry, you can count on the federal government to interfere and screw everything up. Kind of like when I'm at work and everything is going smoothly then boss steps in to manage workflow and fucks everything up and no more work gets done. The federal gubment is the boss, and Maine is the employee who is way smarter and more efficient than the boss. So FG (thats the gubment's nickname) attempted to blackmail Maine. They offered federal funds for sex ed , but only if they would convert to an abstinence only program. I would imagine the conversation went something like this
FG: Maine, we need more unwanted pregnancies god damnit!!!. Could you please start pulling your weight and letting your kids get knocked up?
Maine : No, Fuck off.
So Maine loses some federal funding and their kids are healthier and with brighter futures.