lifetime for teens

Some sweet WB season premieres tonight so I guess I know what I'll be doing. Thank jesus the power that was lost due to last night's storm had been restored otherwise I would not be able to see which good looking ostensibly straight teenage boy finds himself in a situation in which he once again needs to refuse the advances of an attractive teenage girl. For jesus' sake why can't the teen girls of the WB understand that teen boys just want it to be special. They want sex to mean something god damnit.

Is that a vagina?

Since Halloween is just over a month away, I though it would be the perfect time to share an Associated Press headline from this time last year.


Boy yanked from class for vagina costume
ASSOCIATED PRESS
ANN ARBOR -- A teenager got into trouble at his high school after wearing a Halloween costume resembling a vagina. Christian Silbereis' classmates at Community High School apparently were less offended by the costume, which was fashioned from a pink cape, than the school administrators who suspended him Wednesday for the rest of the week. "It's anatomically correct," Silbereis told the Ann Arbor News. The outfit took first place at the school's costume contest, where students selected the winners. The 17-year-old senior said he feels bad if the costume offended anyone but wondered why it would. "It's just another body part. They teach us about it in school."

Way to go Christian Silbereis.

OTH

I really didn't have anything about which to blog but then I remembered that a blog suggestion was given to me this AM. The tragic and alarming breakup of Chad Michael Murray and Sophia Bush, both of WB's unfortunate hit show, One Tree Hill. I am not going to lie - I don't think I have ever missed an episode of One Tree Hill. That being said, I think it is one of the worst shows ever, second only to fellow WBan Seventh Heaven. This begs the question, why the fuck do I love WB so much. Must be the the two initials it shares with my favorite president.

Vote Kinky!!!

My thoughts on the governor and his response to the recent hurricanes. Rick Perry was, well, running for reelection anyway so this worked out very well for him. Did you know on his website you can donate to the TX relief fund. What is the fund, you ask? Well ask all you want, Rick Perry ain't telling you. There is no information on his website as to where they use this money, but there is a spot for your credit card number. Rather than post a picture of the Ricker himself, I went for this slogan which came to be after our gracious governor called someone (a reporter I think) a mofo. Seriously, since he is an adult, is there anyone else who thinks the Ricker should just throw caution to the wind and say motherfucker? I do.

Los Gatos

One thing nobody has mentioned about Galveston is the cats. While on an amphibious boat tour of Galveston several years ago, I learned that Galveston has one million cats. To put that in perspective, they boast a human population of about 60K. So basically thats an ass load of cats. Or that was an assload of cats. An acompanying picture of my own cat nodding off like a heroin addict is forthcoming.

Dakota Fanning and the fat guys

Watching Man on Fire with Denzel Washington. I've said it before and I'll say it again, there is something wrong with Dakota Fanning. She hasn't aged past about five. She looks exactly the same as she did in Sean Penn's failed Oscar bid I am Sam and that was a long ass time ago. She still has baby teeth for Jesus' sake. She has some kind of reverse progeria. Its cool that her parents have successfully whored her out to Hollywood because once they reveal the disease she might be able to be some kind of spokesperson or something and raise lots of money for the cause and that will help all the non famous kids that have it. Anyway, on the subject of kid actors, one of the fat guys is thin now. I don't think it's the one from Varsity Blues, it's the other one. Those are their names right? The fat guy from Varsity Blues and the other fat guy (originally known as "the other fat guy? Wait, you mean there's two fat guys?") Anyway the other fat guy is thin now. He needs to start peddling Subway or something now because he lost Jared style quanitities of weight.

Has anyone ever seen them together? hmmm...

One of these guys was in Rage Against the Machine and is now in Audioslave, and one is mayor of a recently flooded city. Can you tell the difference? It would probably be trickier if one of them wasn't standing next to W - that gives it away a little. But you see what I'm saying - they look similar. Do you think Ray and W are holding hands down there - we already know that's how W rolls.

Those crazy kids

Today seemed like the perfect day to post my favorite picture. Not for any particular reason - just because. Anyway, I think that the metroplex actually runs out of gas this weekend like everyone is pretending is going to happen, it will be strictly a result of the people allowing themselves to be thrown into panic mode. If we run out of gas it will because every freaking person in the city decided to fill up last night whether or not they needed gas. Remember economics class? Supply and Demand. Really demand and Supply in this case. Whatever - the important thing is that Dick Cheney's friends should make good money this weekend raping the American Public. And since that is basically what they do anyway, it is just business as usual. Oh and by the way Saddam, nice mustache.

Bigote (mustache)

Perhaps this picture would have more aptly worked on the post about how W is paying the pigs their overtime because everybody knows the pigs LOVE mustaches. And they love to kill people. And so does W. Isn't great how things always come together in the end! And I guess since I don't have anything original to say about the pigs I should take this opportunity to talk about how much I absolutely can't stand the latest Nickelback song Photograph. It is seriously the most contrived piece of shit on the radio right now. But I will still sing along every time I hear it!

catholic joke

Okay we all knew this was coming. A priest, a rapist, and a pedophile walk into a bar. And that was just the first guy. If you are wondering why this joke sounds familiar, it is because I stole it from Comedy Central's roast of Denis Leary. But while it isn't original, it is still pretty damn funny. and in case anyone is tempted to take offense, I did 13 years in Catholic school so I have a pass to say whatever I want about them goddamnit. And while we are on the subject, I think Ray Nagin is totally cool for saying goddamn like every five minutes while his city was under media saturation. But back to the Catholics. I think the reason they got that Cliff Claven guy to turn into Pope Benedict is because they felt like we (society) had become a little too complacent about the priests and their extra curriculars. They thought "these goddamn people don't even care anymore. Its like they aren't even pissed at us". And like a kid craving negative attention because it is better than no attention at all, they decided "Well if this doesn't offend them, we will turn a goddamn nazi into the pope"

Poindexter?

I'm pretty sure that nerd is the new punk. Or does everyone already know that? Is this something that was common knowledge because I just figured it out. When and where did it start, I wonder. With Weezer maybe? Or all the celebs that go to Harvard even though they are total dumb asses? Could they have started it. That guy from Offspring who has some kind of legit PhD. Could he have started it?

Silver Fox

I had originally planned to blog on the weekend as well but I stayed too fucked up this weekend to string together enough coherent thoughts. Anyway, back to business. Does anyone else feel like not enough attention was paid to the following quotation from Barbara Bush Sr. "And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them." Could she make the persons displaced by Katrina sound like a more opportunistic group of folks? Now that her husband is busy with his marriage to Bill Clinton, I would think the silver fox has enough free time to think of something a little less bitchy to say.

My favorite subject

For anyone who didn't see W's speech last night, you can stop worrying, he is "providing money that can be used to cover overtime pay for police and fire departments while cities and towns rebuild." Thank Jesus the pigs can get their overtime. W went on with his laundry list of all the great things his government is doing to help rebuild New Orleans, although for some reason he left out the fact that he issued a proclamation on September 9 suspending the Davis-Bacon Act in certain parts of the following states: Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Florida. What is the Davis Bacon act, you ask? I'll tell you - it requires employers to pay the local prevailing wage to construction workers who are working on a federally funded project. So basically, W is allowing companies working on the rebuilding effort to fuck their employees, but is ensuring that the pigs will continue to get paid overtime for their arduous standing around efforts.

Subway's Jared

Subway's Jared has breasts. Or bitch tits as they are commonly called. I think he tapes them somehow or wears some sort of man-bra for those commercials. Its not that I'm judging him for having breasts -- I am not in a position to judge someone for a physical imperfection. But I do judge Subway for having him hide it. Who really cares that he has breasts - he still lost like a thousand pounds or something. Having breasts should not in any way diminish that accomplishment. And the dude was obviously smart enough to parlay his weight loss into a well paying job in which he doesn't really have to do anything other than look nerdy which I think comes pretty naturally to him. But I imagine Subway would cut him right off if he beared his bitch tits to the world.

currently untitled

I'd like to get as many people as possible to start using the word ironic correctly.

hmmm...

Maybe I am just too lazy to maintain a blog.