lo siento mucho

I am dedicating today's blog to an apology directed toward my good buddy Bob, who I locked out of the house for well over three hours yesterday. Sorry amigo. Going forward, perhaps we should hide a key somewhere no one will find it. I'm thinking under the boss' food dish. But don't tell anyone okay?

I'm not a big fan of American football so I don't know if Brett Favre is still hot shit or not but I have a good indicator that he isn't. A year or two ago, he was pimping mastercard on one of those "priceless" commercials, and I just saw him advertising Sensodyne A. I'm thinking the career isn't going too well.

Schiavo

Today's big story - Hamas (Hum-OSS). They won the election. What does that mean? That means that last year, when Yassir Arafat died multiple times over the course of several days, and the media's constant coverage celebrated the fact that with his death perhaps the Israel - Palestine peace process could finally move forward, they were totally wrong. The first Palestinian election since his death (it really might not be the first one but it probably is and it sounds better that way) sets the peace process back four decades. And Israel won't even enter a negotiation discussion with a gubment that has humOSS members. But Yassir arafat never missed an opportunity to miss an opportunity. CNN has deceived me. **

** In the interest of not being a plagarist, the sentence CNN has deceived me was inspired by the first episode of the Simpsons that I ever saw, (and I believe it was the series premiere), in which Bart's plan of mischief and hijinks falls apart before his eyes and he has the epiphany, TV has deceived me.

Veronica Mars is the new Gilmore Girls.

Its been a few days since I've blogged. Must apologize. Although what I should really be apologizing for is beginning my blog with an apology for not blogging. That was cliche. Sorry.

You may already know that UPN and WB are combining forces to create an unstoppable network aimed toward melodramatic teens and me. It sounds intriguing but I hope it doesn't interfere with any of my appointment shows. On the subject of television, I saw an episode of Dateline Fridaturday about people who whorde (they are called whorders), which are basically people who don't throw anything away, and it turns out that we're mentally ill. Great. Hope the air marshalls don't find out.

***Fridaturday - reference to an Onion story about how Dateline added another day to the week so they could show more Dateline episodes.

Hail Google well met

So W's people are trying to make Google give it records of all the searches made during a given week. They issued a subpeona for the info last summer and Google refused to comply so now the gubment is trying to get a federal judge to compel them by issuing an order or something.
Said Google:
"Google's acceding to the request would suggest that it is willing to reveal information about those who use its services. This is not a perception that Google can accept. "
Google also worried that this information could fall into the hands of "miscreants seeking to harm Google's business". Thats pretty cool that they think giving it to the gubment will result in miscreants getting it. Yahoo got the same subpeona by the way, and they gave it up like an insecure high school cheerleader. Thanks yahoo!!

express lane

So my evil boss has been in serious micromanage mode the last few days. Considering she isn't the one who recently lost her imaginarybabydaddy one would think she could chill for a few days, just as a courtesy. But instead she has kicked it into high gear. Of course, on the bright side, micromanaging keeps her so busy that the risk of her trying to discuss her digestive system with me decreases tenfold.

Anyway, back to my first sentence. I wonder if its not actually better to say the previous few days rather than the last few days. Because I think saying last few days might be one of those things that is incorrect but nobody cares, like 10 items or less at the grocery store. It is suppossed to be 10 items or fewer but or less is so prevalent that we just go with it. Maybe that is what is going on here and if so than let me be the first to say the previous few days. And if not, than sorry I wasted your time. Although in all reality you should not have expected anything productive to happen while reading my blog anyway so hopefully you had already written off the previous thirty seconds before we ever got started.


hmm. I think it sounds all right. Previous few days it is!

What's that?

Today is MLK Day, my most favorite of holidays. This year, however, it is bittersweet. While I have Monday off from the job, I still live with the impending lonliness I will face when I return and the father of my imaginary child will no longer be by my side. He has left me and Moisesito (the imaginary child) for a job up North. Now is when I need to be very suspicious of all my co workers - they'll think this is their chance to swoop in and be my friend. They will see me take my morning walk to the caf all by myself and think I look vulnerable. Guess I'll be bringing my ipod to work. Take that, widians!!!

As long as we're on the subject of oppressed peoples, Iran is convening some kind of panel to investigate the legitimacy of the Holocaust. Like to explore whether or not there is enough scientific evidence to prove that it actually happened. Apparently the jefe in Iran (don't know his name or what they call their leader) recently said that the Holocaust never happened and before he apologizes he wants to make sure that he was wrong. Just want to remind everyone that this is a country with more progressive drug treatment options than the US. A country who questions the reality of the Holocaust has more progressive drug treatment than the US.

Nobody puts baby (jesus) in the corner!!!

I heard a commercial for Dancing with the Stars Live 6 (or something like that) on the way to the job today. Apparently, this new season of DSL has received critical acclaim, to wit, it has been called "the best ballroom show of 2006". Holy shit, this show must rule. We're twelve days in to the year and we already know that this show is unequivocally the show to watch in terms of ballroom. Seriously, with these types of reviews, I may not even watch another ballroom show all year. I mean, what's the point - it will obviously fail in comparison to Dancing with the Stars Live 6. Too bad its not on NBC - then I could get input from my "friends" that spontaneously chit chat about NBC shows on a regular basis.

Something else I want to discuss today - the herion addiction problem in Iran. I guess because of their proximity to Afghanistan, the Iranian people have excessive opportunities to experiment with heroin and subsequently develop an addiction. Quite a problem because while heroin is in heavy supply there, I'm pretty sure they have managed to keep it expensive. Yet another example of the entrepreneurial spirit of the drug dealer. Anyway, since we all know what a progressive and forward thinking country Iran is, it will come as no surprise that they maintain an active needle exchange program. And of course, every country worth its salt maintains a methadone treatment program. Where they have been innovative was housing the two in the same place so that every time a drug addict goes to exchange a needle, they are reminded that the recovering addicts look better than them, they are cleaner and healthier, and best of all, they get their drugs free from the government. So in summary, Iran has a much better drug treatment program in place than the U.S.

Do I need to say that again for emphasis? Iran has a much better drug treatment program than the U.S.

Penis Cheney

Several things. First, in case you haven't heard, VP Dick Cheney went to hospital last night. I realize this isn't a story since he gets hospitalized on a regular basis, but here is a line from the news story:
Cheney, who has not suffered a heart attack since he became vice president in 2001, began a daily exercise program in 2000 and started eating healthier.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure the old bastard has had about 100 heart attacks since becoming VP. I guess they've decided to downplay it.

Anyway, on a much more jubiliant note, CNN reports that Ariel Schaivo moved his arms and legs. So nobody worry, the peace process in the Middle East will continue to not move forward any day now.

butcher holler

Is it wrong that I don't care about the miners? I'm not against them or anything, I just don't care. I'm not sure it needs all the extensive coverage. I mean when church vans crash they don't get national coverage do they? I know they get extensive local coverage for a night, maybe two, but not national. But those church vans crash all the time so I guess its not that exciting. Apparently mines only do whatever it is that makes people trapped inside them once every few years. Anyway I was being rhetorical when I asked if its wrong that I don't care - I already know the answer. (Its no, by the way)