Prayer Kills

I always suspected, but now we have proof. Sort of. In an effort to prove that prayer provides no medical benefit, a blind study ... if you really want the details you can find them through google. Suffice it to say, prayer has no medical benefit. The cool part is that prayer is actually detrimental. Take that, churchers!! The patients who had prayer on their side had more post surgery complications than those that didn't.

TGIF - thats the new marquis at Marsh Lane Baptist Church - today god is first.

My boss is a complete and total cunt

And...

I've just written the most awesome blog title ever. just so you can get a visual, she has the face of the chaka
wearing a pugree. Pugree is the Indian hair wrap you see above. If you ever see one in silhoutte, you will swear its nads a-comin. This happened to me the other day in the parking garage. Boy was I relieved. Nads isn't Indian by the way. She just wears that hairstyle.

W

This is what W had to say about his chief of staff, who "resigned" today. My thoughts are in red.

Andy Card has served me and our country in historic times...on a terrible day when America was attacked, (by MY people in order to fuel support for an attack on Iraq that I already had planned) during economic recession and recovery, through storms of unprecedented destructive power, in peace (what's that I wonder?) and in war. In all these challenges and accomplishments, (What are these accomplishments he speaks of? Any thoughts?) I have relied on Andy's wise counsel, (All this time he's been getting wise counsel?? I guess he decided to keep it to himself rather than act on it? Too bad, the country could have used some wise counsel) his calm in crisis, (I think he means his ability to not give a shit about Katrina victims) his absolute integrity (this is just some comic relief. That W has always been a bit of a jokster) and his tireless commitment to public service." W also discussed how the next three years will be rough because "we have a global war to fight and win" First, glad to hear that we are fighting against the entire globe. That sounds promising. Also glad to hear that W is finally going to join the fighting. I mean, he wouldn't be there if he didn't believe in it.

censure

With all the talk about the Penis lately, I feel like we may have not sent enough time showing hate for W. Of course I suppose by now, it is understood. And kudos to Feingold for showing us just how little the other democrats actually care about wire tapping and the exploits of W.

So apparently Charlie Sheen (of "actor who goes to a LOT of prostututes" fame) is on board with the 9/11 conspiracy theories. That is cool but I'd rather get someone better on our side - like someone famous who is also considered smart and / or level headed. Or at least if its not someone smart, someone more famous.

The Penis has needs

These are the Penis' requirements when staying at a hotel.

Queen or King bed
Desk with chair
Private bathroom (as John Stewart asked, "Does he really think they would make him share a bathroom?" ) Maybe he stays in college dorms when he travels?
All the lights turned on
Temp set to 68
All tvs tuned to Fox news (because he is a total lazy fuck)
microwave (Doesn't the Penis probably have a pace maker or something that would make it dangerous for him to be around a microwave? Or is that just wishful thinking on my part?)
coffee pot with decaf brewed before arrival (also because he is a total lazy fuck)
container for ice (which every hotel already has, including Motel 6 and other shitholes in which the Penis would never stay anyway)
bottled water (4-6 bottles)
diet caffeine free sprite (I'm pretty sure Sprite only comes in caffeine free so the Penis is also a dumbfuck)
sparkling water (if accompanied by Mrs. the P)
hotel restaurant menu (again, if a hotel has a restaurant, there will already be a menu will be in every room)

feds

Budget constraints are forcing some FBI agents to operate without e-mail accounts, according to the agency's top official in New York.

This is a real headline from CNN. The gubment doesn't have enough money for email. I guess they don't know about yahoo. Or gmail. Or hotmail. Way to think outside the box, federal bureau of INVESTIGATION. Seriously, you guys can't figure out a way to hook your employees up with free email?

W wants me to look on the bright side of Iraq. Figuratively, not literally. And since I'm one of those people that believes you always support the president, I guess I'll have to do that. Look past the bloodshed.

I guess he means look past the bloodshed and right into Iran. Since he always drops a little taste of Iran in every speech now. Since the war is so good, I'm guessing Jenna and Barb will be suiting up in the camo any day now. They would probably let jeb's daughter go, since she is a drug addict and all. Kill two birds with one stone - First, nay sayers will no longer question why no member of Bushie's family has gone to war, and second, they wouldn't have to worry about Noelle and her latest drug scandal.

Take that! The Prophet Mohammed

Not to be outdone by Muslims, the Christians have an offensive cartoon all their own. A student newspaper from University of Saskatchewan "accidentally" printed a cartoon of Jesus performing oral sex on a “Capitalist Pig”.

Now on to more important things like how much I hate W. You may have already heard that there is something in the water in Iraq. Among the many things our gubment is paying halliburton (you may know them as "friends of the Penis") to do is obtain and purify water for the militree in Iraq. Well they obtained it. I guess thats a start. And when a Halliburton [subsidiary] employee discovered the "error" he tried to go up the chain of command to notify but his supervisor forbid him and told him not to inform any militree people either. Suffice it to say, said employee no longer works for Halliburton or its subsidiary.

Get Veronica Mars on the case

Concerning the black boxes from the 9/11 planes.
"To the best of my knowledge, the flight recording devices from the World Trade Center crashes were never recovered. At least we never had them," says FBI spokesman Stephen Kodak.

Hmm...yet firefighters who were there claim that during the clean up process that occurred in the six months following the disaster, three of the four boxes were found. The firefighters making this claim were from Engine Company 261, which had been in operation for over 100 years prior to 9/11/01. It was shut down the next year.

Oh and by the way, even though they couldn't find the boxes that would likely be extremely revealing and are indestuctible, they found one fo the hijaker's passports in the rubble. Wow, that sure was lucky. If they hadn't found it, we might still not who was responsible.

George W. Bush Presidential Library (oh its coming - maybe to Dallas)

Exhibits

Wall of booze / cocaine corner
people i've killed
people my wife has killed
retarded people i've killed
people the penis has almost killed
fraudulent wars i've staged
embarrassing shit my kids have done
stupid shit i've said
my most brazen lies
how to graduate from 2 ivy league colleges without even tryin'

**I did not write this - its from a non-blogger

marquis de sade

They caught the church burners.

Gov. Bob Riley said after the arrests that the arsons did not appear to be "any type of conspiracy against organized religion" or the Baptist faith.

"The faith-based community can rest a little easier," he said.

Well thank you jesus. Now the baptists can stop worrying about their churches being put out of their misery and get back to what they do best - which is being total motherfuckers in case you weren't sure. And of course, writing mean spirited marquis signs. A recent marquis sign of Marsh Lane Baptist church said the following: Exposure to the Son prevents burning. hmmm...Not in Alabama it doesn't.


And in case you're not convinced about them being evil, at least accept that they are idiots. This graphic is a real sign. A real sign that the church paid to have made.

republicans

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.
-Blaise Pascal, 1623 to 1662

I'm thinking about changing my opinion on the ports deal. Not because I've changed my mind, I just can't stop being plagued with guilt about agreeing with W. Certainly I must be wrong, because if I'm right, well you know what that means. This would be so much easier if W would just change his mind.

I really thought the two of us had an unwritten agreement.